In Which Vlad Is A Cat
by AqKaren
Summary: A strange transformation gives Vlad a new point of view and a brief vacation from his life. Silly, fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

Something silly and light. Set in season 3. Mentions Vlad-Maddie, but not really any shipping. Minor (household servant) OCs.

Chapter 1 of 2.

Thanks for reading!

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Maddie stretched out languorously, each leg extending fully for a moment, her back arched. Vlad ran his hand along that back, and enjoyed the appreciative way she shifted against him, rubbing her head against his arm lovingly.

"Ah, Maddie," he sighed. "At least _you_ understand me."

She purred back.

Getting a cat had been the best advice Daniel had ever given him. In fact, it was the only good advice Daniel had ever given him, so far as Vlad could recall. Even if they couldn't exactly carry on a conversation, it was nice to have some companionship, especially a companion who so obviously _liked_ him. True, some of it had to be cupboard love, affection in exchange for a rather carefully considered and arranged diet, not to mention the extensive play facilities both inside the mansion and on its grounds. Such things barely cost him anything, and seemed to make her so happy. It was strange for him to imagine such easily obtained bliss. Even the most expensive objects he'd bought to entertain himself lost their luster quickly.

"If you were in charge of a massive financial empire, you'd find it difficult to relax, too." He scratched under her chin, watching her tilt her head to offer herself for more attention. Today had been an especially trying day. First the latest popularity polls—while he was certainly a more proactive mayor than Mayor Sotomeyer had been, it didn't seem as if Amity Park appreciated his efforts. This morning, he'd learned one of his companies was being sued by the Federal Trade Commission for violating antitrust laws. Again. Worst of all, his latest_tête__-_à_-__tête _with Daniel had been unusually difficult, requiring literal _minutes _of effort to overpower the boy. And why did he even have ice powers? He hadn't developed enough unique abilities in his brief year of ghostly existence? It was getting to be a bit ridiculous.

Maddie was pacing back and forth across his desk, now, looking speculatively at the gap between the desk and his lap. In retrospect, he really should have chosen a _black_ cat. That, or started wearing white suits.

"It's rather unfair, if you ask me." He shifted his comfortable leather desk chair back, letting her jump into his lap. "I give and give, and does anyone appreciate it? Other than you, I mean."

She blinked up at him, before rubbing her cheek encouragingly against his chest.

"They say cats are selfish." He resumed petting her. "Of course, they say I'm selfish, too. Really, who are they to talk?"

Maddie never interrupted him when he began talking about the obvious faults of some unseen audience. She never made fun of his mental health. She never poured hot tea in his lap. She never even asked him to stop flirting with her mother. Not that he ever _did_, her mother was another cat, but it was the principle of the thing.

"I suppose it makes sense that two such misunderstood creatures would form a bond. It's us against the world, isn't it, Maddie?"

She continued her efforts to ensure that his suit was completely covered with her own shed fur, proof of her affection. Not that it mattered. He could simply turn himself selectively intangible and let the hair fall to the ground, then leave it for some maid to clean up. Or leave the suit out to be laundered and put on something else. He had plenty of suits, but only one Maddie.

Well... only one Maddie _right now_.

She allowed herself to be picked up, as Vlad stood to cross the room, staring out the large bay windows at the distant sight of Amity Park. He didn't live within the city boundaries himself, of course, picking one of the more expensive outlying suburbs. This place just wasn't the same as his old mansion near Madison, with its huge grounds and imposing metal gate. He saw his neighbors frequently. It was very annoying. Really, he was regretting the whole mayor business; it had been an impulse in the first place, not any sort of long-term goal of his. If it had been a long-term goal, he'd have done a better job of planning it out. Leaving now would almost be like giving in to Daniel, though. He could just imagine the boy and his annoying friends celebrating Vlad's exit—why, they might even think it was a retreat. No, he had to remain in Amity Park for now, neighbors and negative opinion polls and all. At least he'd met Maddie here.

The sun was just starting to come down, casting a few forlorn shadows that matched his mood perfectly. He sighed dramatically again. Maddie, obviously wishing to cheer him up, started trying to climb up from his arms to his shoulders. He let her, tilting his head a bit to give her more room. She really had an excellent sense of balance, and rubbed her cheek against his.

"You're always in such a good mood." He could hear her purring a bit more clearly, with her body so close to his. "Maybe I should have been born a cat, too. It seems more..."

That was as far as he got, before everything went abruptly black. He heard Maddie yowl in surprise, but lost consciousness without knowing what she was yowling _at_.

When he woke up, everything was black still, and for a moment he was worried before he realized he was covered in something hot and heavy, and that was why he couldn't see. There was something very strange about his body. He was on his hands and knees—except not—

Crawling forward, he found that the thing covering him was his suit, grown to ridiculous size. Then he looked up at the underside of his desk, and realized that the suit didn't grow, he had shrunk. Trying to stand up straighter and get a better idea of what was going on, he fell over on his side, as if his limbs weren't quite obedient.

Maddie was sitting next to him, looking more curious than worried, sniffing at his face. Vlad shifted back slightly, and tried to sit up again, only to realize that his limbs weren't just clumsy but malformed.

The dizziness and immediate urgency faded as he tried to relax, looking himself over. As it turned out, he wasn't injured or deformed. He was a perfectly healthy cat.

He supposed it had to be the fault of a ghost. This was Amity Park, after all; everything was the fault of a ghost. Why a ghost would decide to turn him into a cat was another question, but then, he'd been the one to suggest it. A passing enemy of his? A chance encounter with some bit of ghostly energy that just happened to correspond with his thoughts? A side effect of one of the many ghostly artifacts he'd hoarded away? A cat ghost? A wish ghost? There were so many possibilities, the question really was not 'how could this happen' but 'how did this in particular happen.' Panicking would probably not make him less of a cat, so he didn't bother. At least he wasn't a mouse.

Maddie made a little questioning noise at the back of her throat, a sound which seemed different to Vlad somehow than her usual meows. He tilted his head and stared back at her. He couldn't understand her, but the tone underneath was clearer than he was accustomed to, as if she spoke a similar language that he just wasn't quite fluent in. She was _fairly_ sure it was Vlad, but not entirely, that was what she meant to express.

"Yes, it's me." His voice came out oddly garbled, but it sounded like English to him. She seemed to perk up, and came closer again, still looking him over as if not sure what to make of this sudden change. "Well, don't stare. This wasn't my idea. Not really."

She rubbed her cheek against his again, and this time he realized that he could smell something about her. Not something unpleasant, and nothing he'd been able to smell as a human. It was just very... her. It was very her, and it was on him, and now that he was paying attention, it was also on the chair, and the desk, and his suit...

A half-hour later, the traces of scent in the room were more evenly divided. He tried to pick things he particularly liked to scent mark with his cheeks, as a way of communicating to Maddie that yes, he might be a cat, but he was the cat who owned this house. She didn't seem convinced.

"Maddie, this chair is mine. It is." He was doing his best to stare her down, but she was just staring back, and he had the feeling she was getting a bit offended. "I brought this chair with me all the way from Madison, because I liked it so much. I've let you have half the desk, the curtains, and most of the chaise lounge. This chair isn't up for debate!"

She let out an indignant little huffing noise, but settled down around the base of the chair, still eyeing him with annoyance.

"Well, when I'm _not_ a cat, you're welcome to scent the room up however you like, so long as I can't smell it too." His coordination had gotten much better, walking about the room, and he tried to brace himself to jump up into the chair. He very nearly made it, but had guessed the distance wrong, and almost left some ugly scratches in the leather as he slid back down to the ground, his feet scrabbling for purchase.

Maddie sneezed with amusement, and he lashed his tail and glared at her. "Oh, be quiet. You'd have just as much trouble as a human."

The maids came into the room shortly after, to clean the office up while Vlad would normally be finishing dinner. He'd managed to get himself into the chair, _finally_, and sat up straighter to speak to them as they came closer.

"It's about time!"

One of the maids, a pale woman with short black hair whose name Vlad could not recall, looked over at him with surprised annoyance. "Oh, _great_, he went and got another one already."

Just as Maddie's noises seemed more intelligible, the voice of the woman was muddled somehow, as if he wasn't quite hearing it right. He tried again. "I am not a cat, I am your mayor!"

"She's loud, isn't she?" The other maid, a dusky skinned woman with longer blonde hair tucked up in curls, leaned over him to offer her hand. "Or he, I guess. Hi, pretty boy!"

"This is just the start." Black-hair was running a dust cloth over the desk with a little more force than necessary. "He already lets the first cat all over everything. He talks to her. He _sleeps_ with her. I swear to God, this place is going to be full of cats before you know it. I can see it coming."

"Come on, he's weird, but he's not _that_ weird." Blondie was scratching him under the chin. He understood why Maddie seemed to like that so much, it was _very_ pleasant, and it didn't hurt that the blonde was obviously his partisan in this ugly argument. "It's just two cats."

"He treats that cat like it's his wife. He doesn't treat any of his employees half as decent. I'd say he doesn't treat his friends that well either, but he hasn't got any friends. Unless you count the crazy orange guy." She stood up straight, looking the desk over aggressively.

"You do not count the crazy orange guy," he put in, annoyed. Blondie smiled down at him and with a sweeping motion lifted him into her arms. "What—put me down! I didn't say you could pick me up!"

"He's so talkative!" She laughed, and he found the slight jostling alarming. "I wonder what his name is."

"Maddie's that woman he's stalking, right?" The other maid sat down on the edge of his desk, and Vlad felt his hackles raise a bit. "What's the orange guy's name?"

"I don't remember." She sat him down on the chair again, at least, and he glared back up at her. On the floor, Maddie had been watching with concern, and made a little confused noise.

"I'm not angry at _you_," he reassured her, although not too happily. "But someone is going to be fired when I'm human again."

The door was left cracked as the maids went on to the next room, and Maddie cheerfully bounded out, presumably ready for her own dinner. Vlad followed a bit more hesitantly, not sure he was ready to try cat food. Maddie didn't eat food purchased from a pet store, of course. Her diet was nearly as carefully planned as his own, and largely consisted of fresh raw meat. Perhaps he could pretend it was tartare.

"Two cats?" The young man in charge of Maddie's diet was chagrined to see his approach, and turned to call into the kitchen, "Anton, it's just like Marie said! He's getting more of them!"

"Oh?" Anton was one servant Vlad cared enough about to remember, a rather burly man whose rough exterior hid a chef of delicate talent. He stared down at them unfavorably, but sighed. "You might as well go on and feed both of the poor things. Maybe I should give them the dinner he didn't eat. I don't know why I even bother, that man doesn't appreciate anything."

Vlad perked up a bit, hopeful, but apparently that was only a joke and Anton returned to the kitchen, leaving the young man to place a slightly larger portion than usual of diced meat in Maddie's food bowl and wipe out the water bowl before refilling it. At least he had that right. It would be very annoying if Vlad had to fire _everyone_ as soon as he returned to his usual body.

At first, Maddie didn't bother making room for Vlad to eat, which suited Vlad just fine. He was still wrestling with the prospect of sharing that meal, although it smelled all right. Well, of course it smelled all right, it was meant for cats and he was one, at the moment. The problem was mental, the idea just a bit too disgusting. Then he thought about the other end of digestion, and winced. If that litter box wasn't being cleaned out nightly, he would have _words_ with his staff. As soon as he could speak.

Eventually hunger overcame his finicky nature, and he pushed Maddie a bit to the side. She had already eaten a good portion of the meal, and only gave him an annoyed glare before stalking a few feet away to curl up and digest. It wasn't as terrible as it could have been, although he wasn't looking forward to remembering this moment when he was human again.

Once the food was gone, and they'd both taken turns at the water dish, Maddie led them down the hallway toward Vlad's bedroom. The door was still closed, of course, and she meowed at it in frustration before turning to Vlad.

"Don't look at _me_, I don't have hands any more than you do." Looking up at the door from his height, it seemed massive, and even when he leaned one paw on the door to try and balance himself on his hind legs, he couldn't reach the door knob. "Well, this just isn't going to work."

He dropped back down to the floor, and Maddie brushed her cheek against him, either consolingly or to lay claim to his flank. He really wasn't sure anymore.

"There's one more thing to try." He glanced up and down the hallway. It was dark and empty now, the faint moonlight from a window the only illumination. Closing his eyes, he concentrated. Going from human to ghost had become second nature to him, a change he barely had to push to trigger, but he'd never tried going from _cat_ to ghost. Some part of him hoped he could, and that the ghost form would be the same as always, giving him a chance to go into his lab and undo this little problem. The idea wasn't unreasonable. There was no real reason the ghost form should be humanoid in the first place, it wasn't really built like a human beyond appearances. Why should a change in the human body be reflected?

It took more effort to force the transformation like this, as if he were pulling on a muscle that wasn't quite in shape. The cool sensation of the ghost form was a massive relief, right up until he opened his eyes and realized he had gone from a normal cat with pale silver fur to a glowing black cat.

Maddie made a distressed mew as he lifted off the ground, floating a few inches up as a test. The more offensive powers seemed a bit dangerous to try when he still wasn't quite in control of himself, so he tried intangibility next. He knew it had worked when he managed to drift through the closed door. On the other side, Maddie began meowing loudly again in protest.

He turned back to look at her through the door. "You'll have to be in contact with me if you want to come through, Maddie. I can't share intangibility with you otherwise."

She eyed him disfavorably, and shifted back.

"Come on, you've seen Plasmius before. If you can adjust to me turning into a _cat_, you can adjust to a ghost cat."

Her ears were starting to go back, and as he stepped closer to her, she hissed.

"Maddie, what is wrong with you? You've never reacted this way to..."

Turning tail, she darted down the hall. Annoyed, he gave chase, and found to his surprise that running like this seemed to be getting much easier. Or maybe the ghost form was just better at it.

"Maddie, stop running!" He wasn't even sure why he was running after her. It just seemed like what he ought to do. In fact, he'd almost caught up... "Maddie, I'm warning you!"

They'd made their way out of the master bedroom's hall, and were past the kitchens again, closer to the household servant's rooms. He had just enough time to pull his mind back from the instinctive chase and consider that he was in the ghost form before the blonde maid stepped out into the hallway, clad in a bathrobe. She took one look at him and shrieked.

"Demon cat! _Demon cat_!"

He assumed that meant his eyes still glowed red in this form. Still, he wasn't doing anything threatening, there was no reason to be so upset. He was just running down the hall... black and glowing... hair raised, intent on a hunt... eyes red... Well, maybe a little threatening.

"What?" Soon-to-be-fired Marie looked out into the hallway after her friend's shouting, and gawked at him for a moment before a look of fierce determination crossed her face. "It's a ghost! You get out of here, creepy cat!"

"Do you really think a ghost will leave just because you tell him to?" Vlad had been shaken out of his urge to chase Maddie, who'd disappeared further down the hall anyway, and watched Marie with a mixture of bemusement and annoyance. "Even a ghost cat?"

"Judy, get me a broom!" Marie stepped forward, looming menacingly. "We'll chase it off!"

"You can't chase a ghost with a broom!" Judy was still hovering on the doorstep of her room, looking terrified.

"A ghost cat's still a cat, right?"

Technically, in this case, not even a cat was a cat, but there was no use standing around arguing with her, since she'd apparently just hear it as a series of meows. He bared his teeth at her with annoyance, then turned to walk through the nearest wall, so she'd at least stop trying to scare him off.

There was no sign of Maddie anywhere. Vlad hadn't realized how helpful her presence had been in growing used to his new state. She served as a good example of how an obviously intelligent and well-mannered cat should carry on. Besides, it was nice to have company. After a fruitless search through the manor as a mortal cat, he made his way back to his own bedroom, and wandered through the door to at least sleep in his own bed.

Somehow, Maddie was already there, curled up on a pillow and fast asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

1. Vlad is a cat.

2. ?

3. Fanfic.

Thanks to CannibalHolocaust, jeanette9a, maltese, Reid Phantom and RubySaphireMoon for the reviews!

I think Vlad's breed should be Nebelung. They're really handsome cats. What do you think? Maybe a Russian Blue instead? Just an ole mixed shorthair?

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It was late afternoon before anyone really came to search for their absent mayor. There had been phoned inquiries, even a few visitors at the door, but the household staff had no helpful information about where Vlad had gone. A few of them, hearing the story of last night's ghost cat, had started making jokes about Vlad being eaten by it in the night. He didn't find that very funny.

Daniel was presumably so late because he waited for school to end, or perhaps it just took that long for him to realize that if something unfortunate had waylaid Vlad, he'd probably have to deal with it next.

"Hey! Fruitloop! Where're you hiding?" Ever the master of subtlety, Daniel was floating from room to room in ghost form and shouting. No wonder his maids weren't all afraid of ghosts.

Vlad came out from under his desk, although by now he realized that the boy wouldn't recognize him. "Hello, Daniel."

He stared down at Vlad, then peered further under the desk to see Maddie still hiding there. "Oh, great, he's got another one."

"Why is everyone so concerned with the number of cats I have?!" Indignant, he swatted at the bottom of Daniel's ghost tail.

"That's not a toy! Quit!" Daniel's legs popped back into place, and he tucked them up out of Vlad's reach, before looking around the room one last time. "Vlad, if you don't come out, I'm going to start messing with your stuff!"

"You'd best not." Vlad glared up at him, and was all the more infuriated by the fact that Daniel was obviously ignoring him.

"That's it." Daniel sat down on the edge of Vlad's fine oak desk, and started pulling on drawers. They were all locked, but Vlad had left them vulnerable to ghost powers for his own convenience, and regretted that fact as Daniel reached down through the desk to pull out some papers. "Vlad, I can tell you're somewhere around here! I'm about to read your..." Daniel paused, squinting at the page. "What is this, anyway?"

Daniel could sense him? A new hope started to dawn, and Vlad tried leaning up against the side of the desk to look at Daniel significantly, but Danny was ignoring him. He seemed to grow bored with rifling through Vlad's paperwork, understandable since he'd picked a drawer currently holding some zoning propositions. Turning back to human, Daniel kicked his feet against the desk as he pulled his phone out of a pocket.

"Hey. Yeah, it's weird. I figured I'd just find him up to something, but it's like he's hiding someplace. It can't be too close, I can barely feel him around, but it's gotta be him." He paused, then went on indignantly, "Yeah, I tried! Maybe he's in one of the walls or something, but why won't he come out?"

Vlad tried batting at Daniel's foot, but typically, the boy was paying no attention when it was most important.

"Oh, guess what I found out! He's got another cat! Yeah." Daniel laughed. "Probably by the end of the week. Maybe he'll be so busy cleaning litter boxes he won't have time to be evil."

As if he would clean litter boxes himself!

The rest of the conversation was equally useless, and Vlad gave up on getting Daniel to understand what had happened. Daniel tucked the phone away, then returned to ghost form.

"Hey, Vlad, this is your last chance! Get out here! Or else..." Daniel looked around, presumably for some new mischief to cause. Vlad meowed up at him in annoyance, the closest he could come to shouting, and a light seemed to go off over Daniel's head. "Or I'll kidnap your cats!"

Alarmed, Vlad tried to back up, but Daniel picked him up with an uncomfortable arm under his front legs. Hissing, he scratched at Daniel with his back legs, trying to make the boy let go.

"Ow! Hey!" Daniel put Vlad at arm's length, glaring at him. "Figures an evil guy has an evil cat."

"Excuse me!" Vlad growled. "I'm not the one manhandling and kidnapping you! ... Right now."

"Come on out, Vlad! Don't you want your cats?!" Daniel called out into the room one more time, then sighed as there was no answer. "C'mon, grumpy. I'm taking you and your girlfriend on a vacation."

"That is not my girlfriend!"

As Daniel picked Maddie up under his other arm, she let out a little distressed noise and looked to Vlad.

He tried to reassure her, "It's not that I don't _like_ you, Maddie. There are just too many barriers between us for a relationship to work. Not to mention, I've always wanted children, and you've been fixed."

"Geez, you even talk too much like him." One cat tucked in each arm, Daniel took off intangibly through the ceiling.

There was always the ghost half, of course. He could hope that Daniel would recognize the similarity to Vlad's usual change... but the chance that he wouldn't was too much to risk. Daniel had met plenty of supernatural animals in his time, and might well decide to just put the ghost cat in a thermos for safe-keeping. Vlad hadn't been thermosed yet, and he intended to keep that record clear. Remaining as a mortal cat was safest for now... assuming Daniel didn't drop them both while flying over the city.

They came down through the ceiling of Fentonworks, right into Daniel's bedroom. At least Daniel finally let them both go, onto his bed. Maddie hopped out of his arms, and immediately began claiming the bedsheets with her scent. Abruptly inspired, Vlad jumped down from the bed and started rubbing his cheek against Daniel's ankles. If only Maddie, the _other_ Maddie, would show up...

"Wow, somebody got friendlier. You happy to be out of that big creepy place?" Daniel leaned down and scratched him on the head, which wasn't painful but better suited for a dog. Standing up straight again, he turned into a human and walked out of the room, leaving the door open behind him.

Vlad didn't really need to explore or snoop around. He was more than familiar with Fentonworks, and had cameras in almost every room. He'd once had cameras in literally every room, including the bathrooms, until he reviewed his tapes and realized with horror that there were _so many_ things Jack would do in those rooms that he didn't wish to see. For the most part, nowadays, he watched the lab. It was usually more entertaining than any other room, and it amused him that he saw Daniel change down there so often, but his parents remained completely oblivious to what was happening in their own basement.

Still, the place looked a bit different, only a few inches up from the floor. Vlad thought of checking under Danny's bed for the first time, and immediately backed out again sneezing. Why would anyone need so many old sneakers? Maddie was acquainting herself with the room more cautiously, poking her nose into places and tiptoeing around from one corner of the room to the next, occasionally stopping to rub a bit of her scent onto something. While she explored, he headed out the door.

He could hear Daniel was already downstairs, and talking to his mother. Crouching between two of the banister rails, he listened in.

"... so I thought I'd just bring his cats here for now. So we can... keep an eye on them... or something." Daniel's excuse petered out a bit, and Vlad heard Maddie (_human_ Maddie) sigh.

"I suppose it's not their fault... Well, it's a nice thought, but we don't have any cat food or litter boxes," Maddie pointed out sensibly. "Besides, doesn't he have staff to take care of the cats? I can't imagine _Vlad_ actually bothering to do the dirty work of keeping a pet."

That wasn't fair. Vlad didn't think she'd bother cleaning litter boxes if she could afford to pay someone to do it for her, either. Who would? Really, it was just a matter of perspective. Once she was married to him, she'd understand how one's priorities changed with wealth.

Absorbed in listening in, he didn't realize disaster was approaching from behind until he heard a cheerful "Hey, a kitty!" just before a huge black-gloved hand lifted him up into the air.

Jack's grip was firm, though not painful. Unfortunately, Vlad found his claws couldn't quite penetrate the thick hazmat suit Jack always wore, and Jack seemed to not even notice the cat he'd picked up now had hair on end and was hissing angrily.

"Where'd you come from, huh, buddy?" Jack was grinning at him.

"Oh, that's one of Vlad's cats. Danny brought them over, since Vlad's disappeared." Maddie called up to him, and Jack's grin miraculously grew wider.

"Great! I've been wanting to meet them! Aren't you a little cutie? Yes you are!"

"Unhand me, you oaf!" Vlad snarled at him. Of _course_, the two Fentons that decided to carry him around in this form were Daniel and Jack instead of Maddie. That was just his luck.

"I thought he had a white cat, though. Hey, maybe we should give it a bath?" Jack eyed him thoughtfully, or as close to thoughtful as Jack could come.

"I will kill you. I will kill you in your sleep. I will _smother_ you. Yes. That's exactly what I'll do." At least one advantage of this form was that no one could understand his death threats.

"There's two of 'em! He had that story about the white one being his sister's cat, maybe that's his brother's cat." Daniel called up, and laughed a bit.

"We are going to take the best care of you!" Jack declared, petting him a bit too firmly. "So Vladdie will know his cats got the loving Fenton treatment while he was... off doing whatever he's doing, which I'm sure is something great and important and not at all evil."

He peered up suspiciously at Jack's face, and saw no sign of sarcasm, just the same cheerful look. Only Jack could say something like that and _mean_ it.

"I'll go back to his place and grab a litter box and some food. I'll try and get back before dark, okay?" Daniel headed for the door, but paused as he started to leave the house, and looked around once as if searching for something before walking through.

"I am surrounded by imbeciles. And Maddie. And Maddie. But mostly imbeciles." Vlad found that a weary sigh was much the same for a human or a cat. "If you don't unhand me I will bite your nose." He didn't bother putting the same passionate heat behind the threat. Jack finally put him back on the ground with one last pet, just as Maddie (the _cat_, Maddie) walked out of Daniel's bedroom.

"Here's the other one!" Jack's attention turned to her, and as he lifted Maddie up, she began purring audibly.

"You can't be serious." Vlad groaned. "Even my own cat is a traitor."

"Issum pretty girl? Yes she is!"

She looked up at him with undisguised adoration, leaning up with one paw against his large frame.

"We're going to talk about this later, Maddie. This behavior is simply unacceptable." Swishing his tail in annoyance, Vlad began to ease his way down the stairs to the (human) Maddie.

"Hon, I'm going out to the store, we need anything?" Maddie called up.

"Yeah! Milk, and some of those little canned sausages, and... hey, can you buy one of those rotary evaporators?"

"I don't think they have those. But I'll look. Bye, sweetie!"

As Vlad meowed up at her mournfully, she stepped out the door.

Life was unfair. He knew that. That was why he spent so much time _making_ it fair, and more than fair, for himself. But in the long run, he still didn't feel things came even. True, he was rich, powerful, famous, handsome, powerful, brilliant, and... powerful. He just needed one thing for his life to be perfect, a family to share his bounty with. And he'd already picked out the perfect family, minus one member. So why couldn't he get it, the one thing he truly wanted? Other than the Packers. He couldn't get those either. So _unfair_.

Lounging on the Fenton's couch and trying to think of something of Jack's that would be particularly cruel to urinate on, he was waiting and looking at the door as Daniel returned.

"Who the heck feeds their cat gourmet raw meat every day? Geez." He was holding a litter box in one hand, and carrying an ominously cheap-looking bag of catfood in the other. As he stepped into the room, empty except for Vlad and himself, he got that same absent, annoyed look he'd had as he left. "Are you _following_ me, fruitloop? Quit it! That's like twice as creepy as usual, and you're already the creepiest guy on the planet!"

"I'm going to smother you too. Right after Jack. A terrible tragedy, but I suppose Maddie and Jasmine will be enough." Vlad considered for a moment. "It will be rather hard to marry Maddie as a cat, but we'll work it out. True love finds a way."

"Maybe I should just point the thermos everywhere and see if it sucks you up. I bet you wouldn't like that!" Daniel said to the room in general.

"Uh... Danny?" Jasmine peeked her head around the corner. "Are you talking to yourself?"

"No. I'm talking to... Vlad's cat, yeah." Embarrassed, Daniel put the bag of catfood and litter box down, and rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry."

"Hmm." She shook her head. "If there's something going on, you'd let me know, right? Your big sister's always here to help you."

"No, no, that's okay! Everything's covered." Daniel chuckled unconvincingly. "Unless you want to do my homework for me so I don't have to worry about it while I'm ghost fighting. That'd be really helpful!"

"Being a superhero is no excuse for a poor education, Danny. You have to do your own work," Jasmine scolded.

Yes, she would do nicely as a daughter. Perhaps Daniel could even be salvaged. He'd just smother _Jack_, and then see how things went without him in the picture before he murdered anyone else. Best not to leap into things carelessly.

Maddie (the _cat_ Maddie) was sticking to Jack Fenton like a burr, twining herself around his legs, looking up longingly at him, meowing for extra attention. It was horrible to watch. Almost as horrible as the dry catfood Daniel had purchased.

Finally, night fell. First Jasmine went to bed, then Daniel made a number of ridiculously obvious comments about going to bed to his parents before sneaking out in ghost form. Maddie and Jack went to bed together a few hours later, Jack wanting to bring Maddie (the cat) with him, but Maddie put her foot down and told him no. Then she closed the door against cat invasion.

That was all right. Vlad could simply go through the door and enact his plan. In fact, it would be a perfect alibi. He waited, listening outside the door for Jack's telltale snoring, still remembered from their years as roommates.

What he heard was not snoring. What he heard chilled him to the bone, and he fled the scene immediately, trying and failing to banish the mental picture those sounds had given him.

Unwilling to risk hearing more of _that_ going on, he reluctantly padded downstairs, to join Maddie on the couch again. She purred at him as he arrived, though not as loudly as she purred for Jack. Depressed, Vlad curled up against her, head on her shoulders.

"This is just intolerable, Maddie. If anything, my stress levels are rising. My fate is in the hands of others, who cannot understand my needs or demands. And also Jack isn't dead." He buried his face into her fur, and she made a small confused noise. "Being a cat is suffering."

He fell asleep with his face still buried against her, and woke up with a faceful of fur. Sneezing, he sat up, and then realized that something wonderful had happened overnight.

His human body was restored, seemingly without harm, as mysteriously as the first change had come. Had the effect worn off, or had his wish for a return to normalcy done the trick? Either way, he felt proud of himself with absolutely no justification. Then he realized he was sitting nude on the Fenton's couch, and transformed quickly to get Plasmius's costume over him, lifting Maddie in his arms. Unlike her reaction to him as a ghostly cat, she relaxed in his familiar hold.

Settling the problems that had come up in his absence took less time than he'd suspected. More pressing was the need to fire most of his staff and hire new employees. By the afternoon, it was practically like he'd never left, at least to everyone still employed. Daniel dropped by again predictably at the news of Vlad's return, Danny Phantom wandering in through one of the walls without so much as a by-your-leave.

"So, get tired of the creepy stalking, or what?" He glared at Vlad.

"I wasn't stalking you, believe it or not. I happened to go on a short, strange journey that had nothing to do with you." Vlad sniffed indignantly, then wondered if maybe his transformation had had some after-effects. "And even if I were doing something nefarious, I'd hardly tell you about it."

"A journey? But you were hanging around! I could tell! Sort of." Daniel crossed his arms.

"Yes, a journey. And I learned an important lesson in it."

"What?" At least Daniel's hostility was replaced by obvious confusion. "_You_ learned an important lesson? Like about friendship or honesty or something?"

"I learned that you can never trust anyone!" Vlad gestured sweepingly with his arms. "As soon as your back is turned, people will show their true colors! They'll feel free to slander you and abuse your animals!"

"That's the lesson you learned?" Daniel stared dubiously for a moment, before shaking his head. "Okay, fine, whatever. But I didn't abuse your cats. I was really nice to them!"

"Feeding a cat dry, stale catfood from a _store_. Honestly." Vlad leaned back in his chair. "Now get out of my house before I teach _you_ an important lesson too."

"If you start creeping around like that again, I am totally going to find you and kick your butt. Like twice as much as usual."

"As if you could."

"Fruitloop!"

"Ungrateful brat!"

"Desperate old loser!"

"Pathetic, moronic child!"

Daniel's tail flickered back and forth, reminding Vlad for a moment of a cat caught in a moment of uncertainty. "I'm going to go. But because I want to! I'm not scared of you!"

"Then you're even more foolish than I imagined." Vlad bared his teeth at Daniel, then realized what he was doing and covered his mouth.

"You're getting weirder all the time, fruitloop." Daniel vanished up through the ceiling.

"At least this sorry episode is finally over." Vlad looked down to his feet, where Maddie was looking at him with mournful eyes. "No, we are not going to visit Jack again! Absolutely not!"

She let out a little, forlorn mew.


End file.
